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The FAQ pageWelcome to the FAQ page, where you may find The AirMaster has already posted the answer to that question you haven't yet asked! Q) Is Huthwaite Air really so different from any other air? A) Well, if I were to ask Her Majesty the Queen this very same question, and if she were to answer 'Yes, one can assume we thinks it is', then I would have no alternative than to agree with her on that occasion! Q) Is The AirMaster completely bonkers and off his trolley? A) Well, if you were to ask President Bush the very same question, and if he were to answer 'I think The AirMaster is well educatified and I find no contrariness in his spectacles' I would have to withold my agreement until conferring with my linguist. Q) Should Rooley Tops be renamed Rooney Tops, in the light of his outstanding contribution to English sporting culture? A) Absolutely not! Why 'Rooney Tops'? Would you also prefer 'Radcliffe Tops' or 'Sven Tops'? No, Rooley Tops it is and Rooley Tops it shall remain! And how would Rooley Bottoms feel with its top removed? If you think you know your football then why not " Prove you know your football and net up to £25,000!" Q) Is mining really dangerous? A) I have known Mi Ning for many years and have always found him to be a rather nice chap, and no danger at all unless you annoy him. Then beware his oriental marshall arts! (He specialises in painting portraits of famous US Marshalls) Q) Are you famous for anything else, AirMaster? A) Well, I once retrieved an old man's false teeth from the bottom of a certain reservoir in Derbyshire without any unnatural aids whatsoever! Q) Is the bubble wrap really real genuine bubble wrap, or just some worthless imitation bubble wrap? A) I, The AirMaster, can guarantee that it really is real genuine bubble wrap, and certainly is not just some common or garden imitation bubble wrap Q) What's so good about the name 'Huthwaite Air'? A) Well, that's a good question (sic)! Let's look at the options. Huthwaite has had several names in the past. Two particularly recently. One is Dirty Hucknall! Well, that really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Genuine Dirty Hucknall Air! More recently it was known as Hucknall-under-Huthwaite! Another well! Genuine Hucknall under Huthwaite Air! So, old genuine Hucknall is sitting pretty under air that rightly belongs to Huthwaite! Not nice! I rest my case. Questions and Answers from the auction of the very first jar of 'Genuine Huthwaite Air'Q: I have a few concerns oh Air Master. My father-in-law is diabetic and I was wondering if 'Huthwaite Air' has been checked for it's sugar content? If it is below safe levels then I may bid for a jar. He may take a bit of weaning off Hardwick Air' however, as he has been using this for many years. Do you think he may need to go through 'Cold Turkey' due to the change in density/quality? Answered on 27-Nov-04 A: Hi bop, thank you for yet another important question. The AirMaster's mother-in-law was also diabetic and lived for many years in Huthwaite, and the air caused her no harm whatsoever, so please be re-assured! Concerning Hardwick, The AirMaster has spent many happy hours fishing in its lakes, and can also recommend the Hardwick Inn as a fine hostelry with good food and ale. The air there is very fine, and this is confirmed by The AirMaster's Beautiful Assistant, who often runs through Hardwick, so I think you can safely cook the turkey on Christmas Day. Going through it would be daunting! The AirMaster Q: air master what makes huthwaite air so special and is it better than skegby air Answered on 27-Nov-04 A: Another quality question bz! The fundamental property that makes Huthwaite Air so special is its ability to sustain the lives of all the people who live, visit or pass through Huthwaite. Similarly, Skegby Air will do the same for all people who live, visit or pass through Skegby. The AirMaster cannot in all honesty state that Huthwaite Air is superior to Skegby Air; let the breathers decide is his motto! However, 'Genuine Huthwaite Air' is unique. The AirMaster Q: you are nuts m8. can't believe the price. and £4.50 to deliver? people will pay this? Answered on 26-Nov-04 A: The AirMaster is confused? It clearly says that the Air will be sent by Special Delivery, which will cost this much. The AirMaster will make no profit from this. You can collect it for free and not pay any postage. The AirMaster does not think you are my mate! My mate is the AirMaster's Beautiful Assistant! You will have to find your own mate. When he was born, The AirMaster was delivered free, but times have changed, as this was a very long time ago! The AirMaster. Q: hi mate i live at Sutton in ashfield near the sewage works do you think i could sell the smell from here to clear your nose etc instead of having to use vicks nasal inhalers Answered on 26-Nov-04 Q: I do not want split AIRS but are you sure that air is Huthwaite Air, could it be Air from Sutton in Ashfield or even Stanton Hill I think it's a boarder line myself after seeing you on TV. I do have a concern though how long does it take for the air get back to normal after you have taken your jar full, and can us good people of Huthwaite be sure that the replacement air is not that crap from the USA (Other Side of Alfreton. Yours Spider P.S How's RUBY Answered on 25-Nov-04 A: Hi Spider, Splitting airs is fine with the AirMaster, and the point you have raised is a valid one. I, The AirMaster, believe Rooley tops to be equally shared by them all in terms of geography. However, as Rooley Tops is in Brierley Forest Park, and as the spiritual home of the park is Huthwaite, ergo the Air from it is also from Huthwaite! As for replenishment of the air, this was done when I brought the jars to the filling point, as they already had air in them from another part of Huthwaite (the LAB) R is well thnx. The AirMaster Q: What's the best way to make a yorkshire pudding? What's the best way to make a yorkshire pudding?Answered on 25-Nov-04 Q: I am interested in buying some of your air but I am concerned that it may contain high levels of naturally occurring Radon gas.Has it's radioactivity been checked? Answered on 24-Nov-04 A: Hi drbga, what a lovely name! The AirMaster regrets that the R & D department, based in the LAB (Long Abandoned Bedroom,)have been unable to ascertain the levels of Radon. However, the Radon Map of the UK shows the area to be relatively low in Radon emissions. The AirMaster Q: Are you sure you're not a bit touched?Answered on 24-Nov-04 A: No, I am the AirMaster! 'A bit touched' must live elsewhere. Have you tried next door? The AirMaster always tries to help his Admirers. The AirMaster Q: Are you mental? Answered on 24-Nov-04 A: The AirMaster has been described as many things during his long lifetime: Handsome, Debonair, Cute, Disarming, Witty, Astute, Perspicacious, Enlightened, Eleemosynary, Philanthropic, Big Softie, Dad, Captain, 2nd Class Diver, Graduate, Webmaster, Quizmaster to name but a few, but never mental! The AirMaster Q: Dear sir, I am most interested in your jar of air, but I have a couple of questions. Does the special air have a best before date? I live rather a long way away and post takes a while to arrive (>3 Earth months). Would you consider supplying your fine air in larger quantities; I think I'll need about 400 cubic miles to start with, that should raise the atmospheric pressure here to about 200mbar (will you combine postage costs?). Also, if you have a moment, please tell the Americans to play with their remote control cars elsewhere. Thanks, Hedgewop on Mars Answered on 24-Nov-04 A: Hi hedgwop eBay reaches places other auction houses cannot reach, The AirMaster thinks! I agree with you wholeheartedly concerning the remote controlled cars - keep it in your own back yard is The AirMaster's motto! Unfortunately, the postage costs for such a large amount of air would be prohibitive! I hope you are not too distraught! The AirMaster Q: How can you be sure that the air does not contain RF signals from GB3IN (www.gb3in.co.uk), the amateur radio repeater located at Huthwaite? Radio signals travel at the speed of light and do this regardless of wind direction or speed, also a silk scarf would not offer any protection against this and I can see no way that the air was protected. Could you please advise me of what you did to prevent radio signals from becoming entrapped in the jar Trevor (M1CXF radio amateur station) )Answered on 24-Nov-04 A: An interesting question, however The AirMaster has never claimed the air is free of impurities, as it was not filtered except by the Special Watering Can Rose, which would only filter out anything larger than an ant! It is, however, Genuine Huthwaite Air! If the radio signals contained music, one could argue the air was enhanced! Q: great idea mate,,it gives me an idea,,i live only 200 yards from the sea,,u think i might be able to sell cornish seawater,,good on u Answered on 24-Nov-04 A: Hi Simon You too have come up with a simple idea! The AirMaster can sea (sic) no reason why not. The AirMaster and his Beautiful Assistant spent many happy holidays in the county of Cornwall, and surprisingly perhaps, The AirMaster is a great lover of the sea! Soon, a photograph of the AirMaster surfing in Cornwall will appear on his web site! Q: Hi there, Living in Huthwaite myself, it's obvious you've made some glaring omissions from your site and eBay listing. 1. We live on the verge of a very large land fill site. Please make it clear what precautions you take to avoid the air being tarnished by the pungent odour of rotting household waste. ie Wind direction at time of bottling etc. 2. We also live very close to heavily used M1 motorway. Again, what precautions are taken to ensure you are not bottling the obnoxious variety of exhaust emissions ? Yours most curious, HonestJohn :-) Answered on 23-Nov-04 A: Hi John If you look carefully at the 'filling the jars' pages on www.huthwaiteair.com you will notice that the tassles on my Genuine White Silk Scarf (which can only be dry cleaned!) are bent from right to left. If you are familiar with Rooley Tops you will know this means the wind was blowing from the East, the direction of Stanton Hill, and not from either the landfill or the motorway. I hope this puts your mind at rest. Kind Regards The AirMaster |
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